Unsolved Mysteries: HA STYLE!!!
by Indigo Frost
Summary: What would happen if the gang put on a production of Unsolved Mysteries? Find out now!!! R&R!!!
1. Prologue

  
Unsolved Mysteries: Prologue  
  
(Music plays and a voice over comes in over scenes from the city park in the early evening. A few familiar faces are walking around looking afraid. A dog is barking)  
  
Gerald(v/o): "For these 4th graders it was an average night until they cut across the park for some ice cream. Now they swear that they have proven that the Legend of the Headless Cabbie sham. But skeptics still remain..."  
  
(Cut to a scene form a small restaurant at night. Two people are sitting at a table and one gets up and leaves.)  
  
Gerald(v/o): "Valentines Day this past year. Two average people on a special night. Except one was never seen again. What happened to the mysterious girl only known as 'Cecile'?"  
  
(Cut to a scene of a peaceful lake, mid-morning.)  
  
Gerald(v/o): "A whopping tale about the one that got away. Could a prehistoric fish really live in a city lake?"  
  
(Cut to Gerald, dressed in a brown/tan trench coat and standing on a street corner at night. The blurry figure of P.S 118 can be seen just behind him.)  
  
Gerald: "Hello everyone, and welcome to this edition of Unsolved Mysteries. Join us tonight as we look at these cases of lost love, folk-lore myth, and chilling suspense."  
  
Sid&Gerald: "Welcome to this edition of Unsolved Mysteries!"  
  



	2. Main Story

A/N: I know, I shouldn't have something new going since I already have "Secret of Ahel" up. But this is a one-part thing and it actually came to me in a freaky dream (I really wouldn't recommend asking) Yes, I haven't yet figured out how to italicize things! Anyone know? I'd appreciate it, thanx! I know I got NONE of the French spellings right, and the dialogue may be a tiny bit off, but please don't bash me about it, and I don't know if Helga's family is Dutch, just work with me. I wrote this for fun. Oh and I couldn't decide whether to make Sid or Gerald "Robert Stack", So Gerald tells the legends, intros and outros show while Sid Interviews, takes over when Gerald's tied up, and intros commercial breaks. It's kind of mixed up. R&R!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Hey Arnold belongs to Nick, Viacom, Craig and whoever else. Unsolved Mysteries belongs to whoever owns unsolved mysteries seeing as how I don't know who owns the copyright laws.  
  
Unsolved Mysteries: "Hey Arnold" Style!!!  
  
  
(Scene switches to a "re-creation" of an event we know of all too well... Arnold is shown in a tux and sitting at a table inside of a French Restaurant with Lila who is wearing a purple skirt, pink and red striped blouse, heels, and a pink bow. Gerald does a voice over before the scene begins.)  
  
Gerald: "This is the story of our good friend Arnold and a strange girl that he would come to know only as 'Cecile'. His 'alleged' pen pal from France.   
  
Sid: "My pleasure Gerald."  
  
Lila(just entering set dressed similarly like 'Cecile' was that night): "Is this my cue?"   
  
Gerald: "Yeah, go on!"   
  
Lila: "Oh Arnold, I ever-so much need to know something."  
  
Arnold: "Yeah?"  
  
Lila:"I really like-like you, and I need to know, do you like-like me too?"  
  
(Arnold tries to place his hand on Lila's. Lila sits up and whispers something in his ear.)  
  
Lila: "As I've told you time and time again, I like you Arnold, but I don't like-you, like-you. I'm just acting."  
  
(Arnold rolls his eyes and begins to stand up asking to be excused.)  
  
Gerald(v/o): "At first appearance it seemed that Cecile was an average girl with a small long-distance crush. But soon the truth would be revealed."  
  
(Cut to outside of the restaurant where 'Cecile' is yelling at Arnold.)  
  
Lila (still sounding too happy):"...If there's anything I just can't stand ever-so much, it's a person who's not totally honest about-"  
  
(Helga enters looking completely enraged.)  
  
Helga(to Lila): "What in the name of creation do you think you're doing!!! You're supposed to be mad not on a sugar rush. Shove over sister, I'll show you how to act!"  
  
(Helga shoves Lila off set and gets into position not even realizing what she has juts done because she is so furious for not being allowed to play Cecile.)  
  
Helga (sounding as mad as possible): "...If there's ANYTHING I can't stand, it's a person who's not totally honest about WHO they are..."  
  
(Helga's eyes go wide as she realizes that the camera's are actually on and that she's gotten carried away.)  
  
Helga: "Hey why are the camera's on?"  
  
Gerald (off set whispering): "Psst, Helga what are you DOING! The dress rehearsal was yesterday morning, you slept in! Today's Wednesday!"  
  
(Helga slowly walks off set her eyes wide. And pushes Lila back in her place.)  
  
Helga (nervously): "Never mind, heh-heh!"  
  
(Lila straightens her dress as she is pushed off onto stage.)  
  
Lila: "Okay, where were we Arnold?"  
  
(The real Cecile enters wearing a green cardigan and beret'. She has a French accent, and mouse brown hair.)  
  
Cecile: "I think it was my cue, 'Allo Arnold!"  
  
(Arnold turns to face her, getting back into character.)  
  
Arnold: "Who are you?"  
  
Real Cecile(cheerfully): "I am Cecile!  
  
Arnold takes a double take of both girls.  
  
Arnold: "But you can't be Cecile, because (points to Lila) she's Cecile."  
  
Real Cecile: "Arnold, what 'es going on 'ere?"  
  
(There is a slight pause.)  
  
Real Cecile: "I said, "Arnold, what 'es going on 'ere?""  
  
(Another pause.)  
  
Arnold(whispering off set):"Gerald, that was your cue!"  
  
Gerald(entering pulling on a shoe and wearing gray tux): "Sorry, had to change. Sid take over the v/o if I don't get back in time.(clears throat) Hi, how ya doin', I'm Arnold."  
  
Real Cecile: "You, 'are Arnold?"  
  
Gerald: "I'll explain it to ya later, but for now, why don't we get somethin' to eat? 'Cause I know this great burger joint down the street?"  
  
Real Cecile: "Ah, le' 'am burger. The Ameri'can steak tar' tart. Alon'zi Arnold!"  
  
(Gerald and the real Cecile exit. Arnold turns toward the imposter.)  
  
Sid(v/o): "Still the question remai-"  
  
(Gerald re-enters running a comb through his hair, still wearing the gray tux.)  
  
Gerald: "Sorry I was late, I got it."  
  
Sid: "Okay, call me if you need help again."  
  
Gerald: "Sure, (clears throat as before) Still, the question remained, who was this person he had grown so close to?"   
  
(Cut back to Arnold and Lila.)  
  
Arnold: "Who are you?"  
  
Lila: "I can't tell you."  
  
Lila: "Why not, I-"  
  
Lila: "I just can't, okay."  
  
Lila: "Okay...will I ever see you again?"  
  
Lila: "Oh, probably."  
  
(Arnold takes her hand and gives it a kiss. We hear a slight growl from off stage.)  
  
Lila: "Orev'a Arnold."  
  
(Scene goes back to Sid, who is now outside of the French restaurant. He is wearing a black tux similar to the style of Gerald's. It is still night.)  
  
Sid: "Only a few clues have been found to help us identify this 'Cinderella'. One of the most important is this red shoe (holds up shoe), that was left behind. Other than that, the eye witness accounts of Gerald and the actual Cecile, as well as Arnold, have proved useless."  
  
(Scene goes to a chair that is empty in the restaurant.)   
  
Sid: "Gerald!"  
  
(Gerald runs in now wearing his regular clothes and sits wiping some sweat from his brow)  
  
Gerald: "Sorry, man I hate this case, too many costume changes. Anyway, all I know is that she was a blonde with blue eyes who had an off French accent. I only got near her for a few minutes, the rest of the time she was in the restaurant."  
  
(Cut to Cecile sitting in same place Gerald was.) *As will all of the people interviewed for this case*  
  
Cecile: "I do not know a thing about 'zis girl who posed as me. She appeared to be Ameri'can, but otherwise she is still a mystery."  
  
Arnold: "Well, I never got any other clues than that. I wish I knew who she was though. (looking off dreamily) I would kinda like to see her again..."  
  
Sid (v/o, as Arnold keeps talking in the backround): "Interviews with local kids have also turned up no more evidence."  
  
Cut to Rhonda:  
  
Rhonda: "I've never seen anyone like her near our neighborhood, or in the whole city as a matter of fact. But whoever she is, if she's listening, you must really get a new dinner outfit, that one is so...last year."  
  
(Cut to Phoebe.)  
  
Phoebe: "Well, this aforementioned case seems notably perplexing. Perhaps testing on the shoe would help. But otherwise, it would be quite challenging to aspire to find one lone person in an entire city, that is, if she is still residing in the city."   
  
(Cut to Brainy.)  
  
Brainy: "Uh... 'wheeze' 'wheeze' ...I don't know... 'wheeze' "  
  
(Cut to Helga.)  
  
Helga (slightly nervous): "Uh, I really don't know! I mean, why would you even try and find her? Heh heh, and anyway, it's not like I'd 'know' that girl or anything! What would I be doing talking to French people, I don't even speak French! (loosens collar around neck) Anyway, my family's Dutch, heh-heh. Just cause I said a couple lines; it doesn't mean I have any affiliation with her whatsoever. Who isn't blonde nowadays? Heh heh. (tries to cover side of her face with her hand) Nope, never seen her before in my life!"  
  
(Cut to Stinky.)  
  
Stinky: "Garsh, I sure don't know who she is, but hot dog, she's pretty enough to be Queen of the Cheese Festival!"  
  
(Cut to Harold *w/ a Mr. Fudgie*)  
  
Harold: "Yeah, I haven't got a clue about who she is, but let me tell ya, (takes a lick) if she can order off that French menu in that place, she's gotta be okay! Yeah!"  
  
(Cut to Curly)  
  
Curly: "Free the animals, free the animals, HAHAHAHA!!!! (jump's off chair and out of a window)"  
  
Cut back to Sid and Gerald standing in the middle of all of the 4th graders present in the hallways of P.S 118. The halls are empty except for them.  
  
Sid: " Here is an artists rendition of the alleged Cecile."   
  
(Cut to a pencil sketch that looks exactly like Cecile to a tee. The kids stare trying to recognize her. Helga just places her head in her hand and shakes it.)  
  
Gerald: "So many questions, so few answers. But there does seem to be one possible tie-in of evidence that may help us find this most elusive person. (Sid holds up a small pink book) This little pink book may hold the answer. It was found some months ago by both Arnold and myself. Within its pages is poetry that seems to be about Arnold. 'Cecile' may have written this and lost it. But it proves that, quite possibly, she may even go to our school. She may even be here or watching right now."  
  
(Helga stretches her collar and appears to be sweating with a nervous look)  
  
Sid (popping up): "So stay tuned, we'll be back with more, "Unsolved Mysteries"."  
  
(*Commercial break*)  
  
(Title screen appears switching to Sid)  
  
Sid: "Welcome back. If you're just joining us we have already gone through the tragic story of a missing love. And now we'll be moving on to a mystery that has no real solution, but an exceptional amount of intrigue behind it. A bit of folklore, myth or even... "Urban legend" if you will. I give you a story that has plagued people for as long as they can remember...the story of 'Big Caesar'."  
  
(Scene switches to an overlook of City Lake.)  
  
Sid(v/o): "The city lake...a classic sight for most of us. A place for fishing, spending time with friends and yes, urban legend. This is the sight of one such 'legend'. Big Caesar, a sort of modern day Loch Ness monster, from the prehistoric times. Named by the Romans, he has been said to roam this lake. (switch to Sid on camera at the lake) And our own Gerald is the keeper of the tale, take it Gerald!"   
  
(Switch to Gerald who is still in the studio)  
  
Gerald: "Thank you Sid. The Legend of Big Caesar has been passed down form kid generation, to kid generation. Legend has it that once in the prehistoric times of dinosaurs there lived one mightiest of fish that swam and scoured the land. The ancient Romans called him Big Caesar. And this fish only known by that sole name dwelled in what is now our own city lake. But as the years passed, the once primordial sea shrank, and Big C's habitat shrank as well. He became trapped always waiting for another continental shift, to set him free. The end."  
  
(Gerald takes a few bows and claps are heard)  
  
(Back to Sid)  
  
Sid: "Thank You Gerald. Many people have had strange reports about this strange creature nicknamed to some, 'Big-C'. Here is one local who I'm sure we all know that will share his views of this fascinating tale.  
  
(Scene switches to Grandpa sitting in a beach/fishing chair outside of the lake)*  
  
Grandpa (looking up and making hand gestures): "The night I saw big Caesar was certainly night to remember. (tells story of that night) But then, as I was getting ready to start my out board motor and head home, he came up behind me, opened his mighty jowls and swallowed me whole!"  
  
(Scene switches to a nervous Sid)  
  
Sid: "Uh, thanks Grandpa. And that was it for our first report. Now we will talk to Gerald and Arnold, who not only saw Big C, but actually caught and restrained him. Here's their story."  
  
(Scene switches to Arnold and Gerald at the same place where Grandpa once was)  
  
Arnold: "Thanks Sid, well uh, me and Gerald were fishing in that big open citywide contest. And we had gotten out to the middle of the foggiest part of the lake."  
  
Gerald: "Yeah, so we put our lures over and basically got nothin', I mean not a bite. Then, just as we were about to give up, Arnold's line got a tug."  
  
Gerald: "I thought Arnold had it, it pulled him almost over the boat, I had to grab his feet, we almost didn't make it. Wouldn't a if it weren't for the net. And then we rigged him up against the side of the boat through our pedals. But we realized we couldn't pedal back."  
  
Arnold: "You see we had a swan boat because we came late, so we took our sweaters and shirts and rigged them into a sail, but just before we got back to shore, we let him go. We just couldn't ruin one of our urban legends like that."  
  
(Back to Sid)  
  
Sid: "Good job guys! Now, we'll hear from a skeptic who totally disagrees. Helga?"  
  
(Switch to Helga sitting in same place by lake)  
  
Helga: "Yeah yeah, whatever Sid. Okay listen up people, there's no way that those two chuckleheads caught (makes finger quotations) 'Big Caesar'. I don't know about gramps over there (quick switch to Grandpa snoring with his head laid back) but the facts just don't add up. I mean, Geraldo and Mr. 'wannabe news anchor' over there said that the ancient Romans 'named' him Caesar, its not like Romans and dinosaurs occupied the same time period. And what about the clean up of city lake, wouldn't they have seen something. And it's not like he could have survived all those millions of years. Oh, and by the way, I need a little more proof then just a 'slightly' far-fetched tale form someone who was apparently 'swallowed whole', and those two bozos."  
  
(Switch back to Sid)  
  
Sid: "Thanks Helga for that hard argument, I- HEY I am NOT a wannabe news anchor!!!"  
  
(Helga appears walking in on Sid at the lake)  
  
Sid: "Where did you come from?!"  
  
Helga: (Helga jerks her thumb back and the camera moves to the left a little to show witness chair just off set) "And about not being a wannabe news anchor, you could' a fooled me. (does imitation of Sid) 'Hello and welcome to this edition of... 'what people think up when they have too much spicy food before bed.' I'm your host, Ted Baxter Jr., and this is tall hair boy, the factory producer of all the idiotic things you'll see'."  
  
Sid: "Hey at least I was good enough to 'be' the host. You barely got on as a witness, and I-"   
  
Helga: "Oh don't get me started, you only got picked because your the supposed 'Gatekeeper' of the Urban Legends, and anyway, your only 'co-host', remember? You only job is to say welcome back, tune in after these commercials, and we'll see you next time!"  
  
(The two begin to stare each other down)  
  
(Arnold steps on stage and places himself between the two pushing them apart, Gerald comes on camera with all of them in the background)  
  
Gerald: "Guys break it up, we're still on! Uh...well, since Sid's a little tied up at the moment, I guess I'll say it. Stay tuned everyone; we'll be right back after these commercials! Hey Arnold, let me help you! (looks back) Helga, don't shove Sid in that lake. Ya know, I took offense to that whole 'factory producer of all the idiotic things things' crack. Sid's right, you did barely get on as a witness, and no wonder, we knew something like this would happen!"  
  
(Helga approaches Gerald)  
  
Helga: "Oh yeah!"  
  
(Helga tackles Gerald and we hear struggling on the ground, finally the camera blinks out a few times and we see a blue screen that says "Experiencing technical difficulties". Then it manages to transmit once more before going out completely Helga is seen tying up Gerald, her hair is mussed. She realizes that the camera is on and watching her and turns toward it smiling innocently.)  
  
Helga: "Uh, we'll be right back after these messages."   
  
(*Commercial Break*)  
  
(Camera focuses on Sid standing in the middle of a cobblestone walkway on a cool autumn night. Leaves blow around and it's a full moon. He has a bandage on his cheek and a black eye.)  
  
Sid: "Welcome back yet again. Uh, sorry about the 'technical difficulties' from before, (looks off set angrily) but we have one more case to go and as they say, 'The show must go on!' And we will continue with our last story of the night... The Legend of the Headless Cabbie! Gerald?"  
  
(Scene switches to Gerald who has on a neck brace and a black eye as well.)  
  
Gerald: "The Legend of the Headless cabbie has been passed along as long as any of us can remember. The story goes that one cold Autmn night, just like tonight there was a cabbie with his horse and buggy going around town. A woman stopped him and requested that she have a ride in the park to help her take her mind off of her recently lost dog. The cabbie allowed her on and took off toward the park. Just as they were reaching their destination, the woman commented on the chill in the air and requested that the man wear a red scarf. He agreed and thanked her. No sooner had they reached the park than she heard her small Scottie dog barking in the distance. The strange woman implored him to continue on faster, so that they might catch the lost dog. The cabbie did so and they eventually reached the old covered bridge. The dog could be seen racing him. The laughing lady beat the cabbie on the arm and yelled at him to go faster. He pushed horse to move swiftly. They raced through the covered bridge but when they reached the end there was a man with a giant golden hook for an arm! They were forced to turn off the side of the road onto a steep path; the cabbie was now standing, pushing the horse at an all out gallop! The laughing lady screamed and screamed in rage that he reach her dog! No one saw the low hanging branch that cough the end of the scarf, but it pulled so hard because of the speed. And low and behold, their came the headless cabbie."  
  
Sid: "And here is the group of people that may have proved that the Headless Cabbie story is nothing but myth."  
  
(Arnold, Harold, Eugene and Stinky are shown sitting on witness chair or 'log' as it were near the covered bridge. Gerald and Sid come racing in panting.)  
  
Gerald: "Sid, in about 5 minutes go and change and prepare to wrap it up.  
  
Sid(raising thumb): "Gotcha."  
  
Arnold: "Okay I'll start. You see it was a late night about 3 months ago. We were having a sleep over at my house and telling scary stories. Ya know, urban legends and such."  
  
Harold: "Yeah, and Stinky was telling this stupid story about monkey cat and then Sid said "Well we've eaten all the pizza so now I guess there's nothin' left to do but go to sleep." And um, Arnold decided to tell the story of "The Headless Cabbie", and-"  
  
Stinky: "-and he told the gruesome story to us right then and there. So, when we realized it was too early to go to sleep we decided to go get some ice cream. But we decided to cut through the park. And we hadn't been in there for more then a minute when-"  
  
Sid: "-when we found this cute but, strangely ironic, Scottie Dog. He was lost and barking like crazy. At first we thought it was a co-incidence-"  
  
Eugene: "Uh huh, but a lot of strange things sure did happen."  
  
Gerald: "Strange things? Oh you mean like finding you clog dancing and us thinking that it was a horse and carriage?"  
  
Eugene (upbeat): "Yeah!"  
  
(Gerald rolls his eyes.)  
  
Harold: "Still it was scary. Not that I was scared, I mean, but still things did get a little weird when we went through that tunnel."  
  
Arnold: "Oh come on guys, it was a all a co-incidence. I mean tons of lost dogs are in this city. And Eugene, well, he just likes clog dancing."  
  
Stinky: "Yeah, but then how do you explain the guy with the golden hook for an arm?"  
  
Arnold: "Well okay, we never did find out about that, but still, that could have been anyone."  
  
Sid: "Ya know, Arnold is sorta right, even in the end when we ran down that ditch and ended up near that taxi cab, it was only that Potts guy and the guy with the creepy laugh and funny accent."  
  
Eugene: "Yeah, but still, it does make you think, doesn't it?"  
  
(Wolfgang steps onto the view with Edmond by his side.)  
  
Wolfgang: "You wossy 4th graders, afraid of a 'wittle urban legend', HA!"  
  
Gerald(angry): "Hey, who let you guys in here, this is the '4th' grade Unsolved mysteries special. Sid, I told you to keep them out!"  
  
(Gerald looks past Wolfgang and sees Sid tied and gagged on the floor.)  
  
Gerald: "Oh boy..."  
  
Wolfgang: "That's right sissy 4th graders. I'm in charge!"  
  
(Wolfgang turns to Edmond and elbows him.)  
  
Edmond: "Huh, oh yeah, he's in charge, hehe."  
  
Wolfgang (shoving all of the kids onto the ground and taking the log for himself): "Yeah, and the first order of business, is to solve the mystery of the black eyed, bruised and bandaged, 4th grader!"  
  
(Wolfgang picks up Gerald. He doesn't notice the tall shape lumbering up behind him.)  
  
Wolfgang: "You little 4th graders are so afraid of all of the dark shadows going 'bump' in the night, haha! I'll give you something to be afraid o-"  
  
(Someone taps Wolfgang on the shoulder and he slowly turns back around with a look of fear in his eyes. Edmond bails before it's too late.)  
  
Torvald: "Hey, put the 4th grader down."  
  
(Wolfgang puts Gerald down. And begins to stand. Torvald picks him up off of the ground by his collar. Screams from Wolfgang are heard as he is carried away.)  
  
Scene switches to a few minutes later. Cheers are heard from the kids and we see that Torvald has tied Wolfgang up and he is hanging in the air unable to move or talk. The 4th graders are tossing rotting food at him and water balloons. Helga takes a clear shot at his head.)  
  
Gerald: "Hey Arnold, it looks like this didn't turn out so bad after all!"(He chucks a tomato at Wolfgang)  
  
Arnold: "Yeah, and I thought it would fall apart like our last three show attempts."  
  
Gerald: "Hey, id it 'my' fault that the beach flooded for Babe Watch, that Eugene wanted to play Abdicator and fell out of that plane, or that Revis and Kathie threatened to sue if we continued to copy their show?"  
  
(Arnold rolls his eyes, then looks down at his bucket of water balloons with a slight mischievous smile, and then back at Gerald.)  
  
Arnold: "Hey Gerald..."  
  
Gerald (looking at Wolfgang): "Yeah man?"  
  
(Arnold picks up a water balloon and slams it on Gerald's head.)  
  
Gerald (looking at his wet soggy hair): "Man, you touched the hair."  
  
(Both boys stand still for a second and then begin to pelt each other with water balloons. Eventually some hit the others and eventually they leave Wolfgang alone and are having an all out water balloon fight.)  
  
Sid: "Hey, my hat!"  
  
Harold: "Why I ought a-"  
  
Helga: "Come here and say that!"  
  
Stinky: "I'm confused, I thought we were supposed to be throwin water balloons at Wolfgang."  
  
Phoebe: "I find this almost exhilarating!"  
  
(Helga picks up a pink heart shaped water balloon)  
  
Helga: "Hey Football head, think fast!"  
  
(The waater balloon hits Arnold and he turns to Helga and throws a water balloon at her as well.)  
  
Gerald (calling out over all of the chaos): Okay everyone shows over, on three. One, two,..."  
  
Everyone: "JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF UNSOLVED MYSTERIES!!!!! YEAH!!!!"  
  
A/N: Some grammer mistakes, I know, but I really wanted to get this up.   
  



End file.
